My First Rattlesnake, Pine Creek Rail Trail, August 2009

A short story of my first encounter with an Eastern Timber Rattlesnake, told from the snake's point of view. I'll add in my defense that I now know I shouldn't have disturbed the reptile, and next time I'll leave it alone. The timber rattler is a protected species in Pennsylvania, and found mainly in the central and western mountains of the state. His proper name is Crotalus Horridus, but this one prefers to be called Doug.

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(Back in the snake den, Doug is talking.... and talking.... and talking.... He corners another snake and stops him when he tries to slither away.)

"So wait till I tell you what happened!"

"Gee Doug, the wife was expecting me to bring home dinner, and I need to get a mouse quick."

"Wait, this'll just take a minute. I was in vacation in Pennsyltucky-"

"How did you get up there?"

"I flew."

"Sure, you sprouted wings."

"No, I flew in an airplane."

"Oh come on, tell me another one."

"Don't Tread On Me"

"It's true. Haven't you heard that snakes can be on planes? Well anyway, I was vacationing in a place called the Pine Creek Gorge. It's got lots of nice rocks and flat, level gravel that we can sun ourselves on. So I was resting there, soaking up some rays, conditioning the new skin - I'd shed the old coat, and all of a sudden I feel some water land on me. I looked up to see if it was raining and I saw one of those strange big creatures on two wheels squirting water at me from his water bottle."

"So what did you do?"

"I showed him who was boss. I reared up and shook my rattle at him."

"And what did he do?"

"Well, I'd hoped he'd drop the water bottle and run away, but he didn't. He took out a camera and took photos of me. I was flattered of course, but I realized he may have had more water, so I slithered away. I kept shaking my rattle so he knew I was taking it easy on him. "

"You were lucky. Those two-wheeled creatures are dangerous."

"Yeah. We need to get them outlawed. You should contact all your relatives who are lawyers or members of Congress."